Wet #2
Oi there mates. From the bottom of my royal heart, I would like to apologize for the delay in responding to your questions. If you’d like to blame it on someone, please do blame it on one of our letter senders, Ms. Brit-Wannabe. But you don’t want do that. As here in the Wawie and Kaia show, we give importance to each and every letter sender, especially if it comes from you, our most beloved fans.
It is for this reason that I have traveled back to my homeland Scotchdalerum – to do research regarding Ms. Brit-Wannabe’s question:
Lady Katrina of Waleswelsch,
I read this article about your people and I was inclined to share it with you. Are the English really this way? And especially, since you are royalty, then you are the epitome of the characteristics stated in the article. I love this show’s new segment and I would like to hear your thoughts regarding this.
Sincerely yours,
Ms. Brit-wannabe
Dear Ms. Brit. (Can I call you that?)
To begin with, although our roots go down to being English, as you can see from my title, I am Rummish. We have developed our own dialect, and thus, I cannot fully answer your questions.
Second, the lovely Lady Katrina passed on to me this letter because as you can see, she is not English. (As I write this letter, I am doubting whether or not you are truly a fan.) But that aside, let me inform you that Lady Katrina is from the Northern part of Korea. She is Welschic (pronounced as Wel-chic). Thus, when she received your letter, she laughed, and laughed. Laughed her ass off I must say.
Fantastic! Let’s move on.
Anyway, moving on to your letter. Based on the article of Ms. Carla Montemayor, English of English, I’d like to tackle a couple of things.
First:
“…I've seen menus featuring "spotted dick," but I'm too embarrassed to order it…”
Yes, Spotted dick is a local European favorite. We love to eat them. They’re very creamy from the custard. I’ve got a joke for you. “What is long and hard and sometimes short and soft? It becomes red when angry, and spits when it reaches its limits?” The answer is a DICK. Hahaha! That cracks me up. But that is not what we’re talking about. Spotted Dick is a kind of pudding. It’s yummy. If you want to know the ingredients for making it, just ask me.
Second:
“…But for the first time in my life, my spelling skills have to be, er, topped up. It's labour, with a U. It's analyse and offence. All my written academic work is riddled with words underlined in red. I am completely DISORIENTED, but since this is England, I must be DISORIENTATED. Bloody strange, if you willexcuse my English.”
Our spelling here is extraordinary. I have adapted to the ‘normal’ way your people do it. But basically, in England, you spell it as you want it. We have all the freedom in the world, and that makes it fun. Let me tell you once when I studied 6th Grade for a year in London’s School for the Gifted. They made us spell DOG, and I spelled it BOG. I got an A. My other classmates spelled it as BOD, or RGD, or whatever their minds fancy. There was even one who didn’t say anything. He was just sitting down and laughing at all the others.
So I approached him and punched him in the nose. He still kept on laughing. I punched him again and he was bleeding like bloody hell. He fell on the floor and he was still laughing. So, I sat on his belly and punched him until I could see his cheeks turn red from the blood. Everybody now was laughing. So I laughed too. He stood up while blood was dropping on the floor. Then he still kept on laughing. Everybody was laughing. That was very unforgettable moments of my life.
I then told my teacher that I got offended and asked the teacher if he was laughing at me. The teacher said that he was actually trying to participate in class. She said that we were all Special, and we expressed our selves differently. I found out later on that he was Autistic – jeez, whatever that means.
At the end of the class, we all got A’s. And when the bell rung, I went to him and gave him a small punch on the belly when nobody was looking. I told him, “This is for being Autistic, I want to be Autistic too.”
Now, I know that Autistic doesn’t mean Special, like having some sort of power. I don’t want to be Autistic anymore. Moving on now. I’ve shared too much about myself again.
I hope that I’ve shared and have answered the few questions that’s been bothering you. Please do write again if you need anything else. I hope I’ve shed some light on all the readers there. Thank you ever so much for continuously, non-stoppingly supporting us. We are forever grateful.
Cheers to the Queen,
Lord William of Scothdalerum
